Well here we are… we made it to the first Friday of 2020 and it feels like a Tuesday somehow. I have been meaning to post for quite some time now. I have 14 incomplete blog posts in my drafts folder. From topics like burnout, the Ontario Autism Program chaos, food ideas, and most prominently – posts about my mental health, they were abandoned.
A couple months ago, I had an uncomfortable discussion (to say the least) about some of my posts and the personal content I was posting. So I stopped. Cold turkey. I couldn’t bring myself to write anymore, despite it being a large outlet for me. Maybe in 2020 I will again share things about my mental health journey but until then, the feelings I share may come across as vague.
Reflecting on 2019
Wow, 2019 was a shit show. There, I said it. I went through phases of not knowing whether or not I would have a job, the fate of my clients and other children with ASD, and I started the unraveling of repressed emotions through therapy.
But let’s start with my old “resolutions.” My 2019 resolutions were something along the lines of this:
- Do (at least) one thing a week for me and just me. This may include saying no to an added responsibility or an act of self-care.
I did great at this! I did a lot of saying no and taking time for me. I went to therapy at least once a month. I had baths, I did yoga, I laid on the couch and binge-watched Grey’s. This is something I want to continue to do in 2020. Self-care is essential for the soul.
- Do (at least) one thing a week that improves my relationships with others. Maybe this is texting a friend I haven’t talked to in a while to see how they are doing.
I feel like this was not my strong-suit in 2019. Especially when the Ford government blew up my career field, I said no a lot to things my friends wanted to do because I was unsure of what the future held. I didn’t go to my Master’s graduation. I kept in contact with my closest friends. But otherwise, I was not good at staying in touch with others, and for that, I am sorry. I will try to be better in 2020.
- Take better care of my mental health, especially due to the toll it has taken on my physical health in the past year.
This time last year, I had shingles and that was one of the worst experiences of my life. This past year, I did prioritize my mental health more. Going back to therapy was a very positive step forward for me and I look forward to continuing this going forward. My physical health was MUCH better this year! I battled some recurring stomach problems where going to the doctor made me feel frustrated and helpless. For now, taking probiotics seem to be keeping the pain and discomfort under control and I have otherwise (knock on wood) felt fine.
Looking Forward to 2020
I don’t really have any “resolutions” for 2020 outside of the items listed above. I feel so proud of the progress I am making and the person I am becoming.
May you all have a blessed new year!